it was 5 a.m.

woke up at 4.45am today. for absolutely no reason. couldn’t force myself to close my eyes again. headed to the kitchen. tokmak just got up and started her usual routine of cooking and cleaning up the place. whilst the old lady making herself busy, had my cup of coffee and my eyes followed her.  whilst she was cleaning, she would mutter a lot of things. things that i may have heard for too many times. yet i still listen. not knowing when i would be deprived of hearing it again.

It brought my mind to LKC. Another one of my classmate who graduated from Tadika Fatima and went to St. John’s.  He was part of the Fatima / SJI group that used to hit Bilal near the ‘pulau‘ after every co-co day.  He grew up with his grandma when he was small too. When his grandma passed away early of the year, it hit him hard.A guy who has never cried before  no matter how hard his life is actually let loose those tears of his unashamedly. he has never cried about anything until the day she passed away. when he got beaten up, he didn’t cry. when he got studs in his thigh that open up his flesh, he didnt cry. he would recall the days spent with her where they would both be having their breakfast together, watching soap on tv together and talk about things.  he was telling me that the  day before she passed away, she woke up early to cook his favorite  kueh just in time for him to take it to work (yes, he’s staying with his grandma ) even she’s not well and he told her no to. she was still smiling broadly that night when he sees her off to bed. he wanted to tell her the next morning when they have breakfast that he found someone, and wanted to get married. she had long to see him get married.  he didn’t manage to tell her that night as he came back late and didn’t want to keep her up.

he knew that the news would delight her. the next morning he woke up but was amiss that she was still not in the kitchen to do her usual things. (these oldies are made of sterner stuff i guess, even my grandma would let sickness stop her from doing her usual routines)  he waited for half an hour before going to her room to see her. she was not going to have breakfast with him anymore. she’s not going to be around for him to offer tea when the time comes. his wife and children would not be able to see her, to get to know her. she’s not going to around anymore hang out with him at nights. she’s not going to be around to listen to him babble about work although she doesn’t understand the stock markets. she’s not going to be there to make him his fav kueh anymore.

i assure you having a six-footer hugging you and crying his hearts out was not a pretty sight. it felt weird being hugged and use as a crying bag yet i could relate to him. Listened to him talking about his grandma the rest of the day. LKC has since got married and migrated to Singapore. She left the house in his name. He hired someone to take care of the house. He couldn’t bear staying there as he’s reminded of her constantly. He’ll be back when he’s over it he says.

got snapped out of it by my grandma who slaps my head for not answering a question. “Hai, teringat orang jauh ke?” she says.  I smiled. Again today she begin reminiscing how naughty i was when i was small whilst having our breakfast.  It feels good to still be able to hear her speak. i do not know for how long i’d be able to. i’ll enjoy it while it lasts.