every ramadhan

my parents told me before that usually a person will meet their fate, be called to their maker on the day within the month they were born in or either on the day or month. it seem like an old wives’ tale at first but looking at family members who have passed away, it might actually be real.

i was born on a friday, after asar prayers during the month or ramadhan. every ramadhan since i can recall, i feel agitated yet somehow contemplative. i await whether my maker would call me. i ask myself whether have i done enough to justify the chance given to me in this world.

i have my faults and short-comings just like any other man. yet i can’t escape from the thought that my time in this world is limited. i just have to choose what is best for me and my maker. i am trying to live my life as to how He envisage it to be. yet i have limitations in doing so. 

thus, every friday in the month of ramadhan, i feel this tinge of sadness and despair. i know i haven’t done enough to justify my existence in this world. i don’t know whether i am a good son, brother, friend, companion. i sure as hell don’t know whether i have been or tried to be a good husband or father as i haven’t had the chance to be one. but i put myself to His mercy. there’s only one friday left this ramadhan, insyaAllah i’d love to be able to welcome the next ramadhan.