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you came as beautiful as the night
lingering the air with your presence
you left as hurried as the wind
dusting the meadows with your vengeance
you should have never returned
nor should you have asked
you could never make the flowers bloom again
in this wasteland that you have created
i plead that you listen
for this man has forgiven
much has been spoken about an elected member of parliament being sentenced to a month’s jail for his failure to seek the Syariah Court’s permission as stipulated under the provisions of the Islamic Family Law Act (IFLA) and enactments (which had been passed by Parliament and the state legislatures) before he engaged in a polygamous marriage.
a lot of women are happy that someone has been made an example of. as a Muslim man, i am happy as well as there have been a lot of people who has abused this QUALIFIED PRIVILEGE and cause undue hardship upon their present wives and children. Yes, i intentionally highlighted the word ‘qualified privilege’ as a lot of man do not understand the huge responsibility that a polygamous marriage brings upon them but merely to satisfy their lust which is not the primary reason why a person should be married in the first place.
Surah al-Nisa 4: 3 provides that: “If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one … that will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.”
The immediate occasion of the promulgation of Surah al-Nisa’ (4: 3) was after the battle of Uhud, when the Muslim community was left with many orphans and widows. Some jurists have commented that at that point in time, as the Muslim community was the minority and the lack of men to take care of the women to a certain extent left the women vulnerable, men are allowed to marry more than 1 to enable them to take care of the widowers and their children.
The Prophet (SAW) himself was monogamous throughout the lifetime of his first wife; Khadijah and only after her death married others who were widowers of war or divorced for political or tribal reasons with the exception of Aishah. The Prophet himself had mentioned that being married to more than 1 was a very big responsibility and a man would have to be just to the his other wives and children.
But the problem with most Muslim men is the lack of understanding of the word “justice”. it is not merely being fair in terms of rotating on whose bed you sleep at nights but also fairness in terms of providing emotional, financial, time, and physical support amongst other things. If one were to read properly the verse, the Qur’an does not mention the sexual nature of a marriage but to ensure social justice in protecting the women and the orphans at a time where women who was not married was open to all kinds of social and tribal abuse.
what one needs to understand is that to enable a transition from a society that practises polygamy at that point in time, the Qur’an did not drastically alter the practise by forbidding it but merely impose a condition that is almost impossible to fulfill. a lot of people could scream that they can be ‘just’ but to carry out ‘justice’ or fairness is something utopian to an average man.
the condition imposed under IFLA is to ensure that the wife is not forced to be in a ‘forced polygamy’. The first wife deserves a right to say whether or not her husband should be able to get married to another woman. If the wife disagrees with the husband’s decision, she then would be able seek divorce or attain compensation of the mental harm inflicted upon her by the husband. after all, the fact that the husband chooses to marry another implies that there are faults on her side which he feels does not deserve a thorough discussion. no women should be forced to endure a polygamous marriage.
my dad discussed with me this matter before and he told me the question that one should ponder before he even thinks about getting married to another is if having 1 wife is already a headache (the courtship/ balancing family vs. work/feeding your family) then why do you want to add to that headache?
that’s why i emphasized it as a qualified privilege. the conditions imposed on it implies that it is not a right to begin with, the stringent conditions makes it hard to fulfill. i still believe that the one month’s imprisonment and 1k fine is too little. a much more stricter enforcement should be made. For any average reasonable Muslim man, trying to be just and fair to a certain extent is a hopeful dream.
I remember this Indonesian movie called ‘Berbagi Suami’ where the problems a woman faced in a polygamous marriage was highlighted. People should go watch it. the case of neglected and/or abused wife and children of a polygamous marriage is nothing new.
I have a lot of sisters and female cousins. so before i do anything to a woman, i have to think about there’s a question that i have to answer ; “what if someone does this to any of my sisters or cousins? would i be okay with it?”
i don’t think so. one would be enough. whenever that may be.
these past few weeks have been troublesome to my heterosexual male ego.
Scenario 1 : i was walking at the curve with 2 friends. as they were chatting about something which i can’t be bothered to listen to, i walked in front of them. a group of guys was walking into our direction. out of the blue, a dude touched my arm and said; “you look lonely, do you need company?” cue friends laughing.
Scenario 2: i was at a mamak stall with the same 2 friends. when we were happily “kutuk-ing” some people, i noticed that a guy at the next table kept looking at our direction. i ignored it. then our “kutuk-ing session” stalled as we were attending to our mobiles. the guy from the next table came to our table, gave me his business card and asked me to call him. cue friends laughing maniacally and branding me a dude-magnet.
Scenario 3: a person of whom i have a professional working relationship told me that he is in love with me. keep harassing me with text messages these past few days.
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heterosexual male ego bruised. i consulted some people whom i think would and could give unbiased opinion on these matter. the girls who i talked to tell me to reject them gently as these males have gentle souls. the guy i talked to, tell me to tell them to fuck off. i’m tired of being nice. doesn’t seem to put them off. the next time i receive another sms or another guy tries to make a move or flirt, i’ll just say fuck off.
i mean, i don’t have a fucking problem if your gay but there’s a fine line between harassing someone and saying you are interested. i have friends who are gay but help me out when i need help the most but they never made any moves on me. as one of them would say; “you are too straight to bend“.
i don’t get why i’m in this shit. i’m obviously not good looking enough to be gay, as my boss would put it; “scruffy, brooding and looks at people as if you want to kill them.”
i don’t think i dress and act like a meterosexual. far from it.
i think it’s because i’m too nice to people nowdays. time for me to use 4 and not 42 muscles to handle this shit. (4 muscles = middle finger, 42 muscles = frowning)
it’s 2.15 a.m. can’t sleep yet. have finished reading a book, watched a movie and now just surfing aimlessly sipping my hot chocolate going through the junk in my emails and boxes of old notebooks (e paper ones). stumbled upon something that reminds me of a job i have done before back in uni.
this job i’m doing, requires me to be another person. it requires me to understand his emotions and to help him express it. it requires me to understand the recipient. i have a direct contribution in helping the person achieve happiness. i guess i just like seeing people happy. it makes me happy knowing that in someway, i helped to achieve that. i help a man to romanticize his woman. i’m a messenger of some sorts of his thoughts.
back in uni, when you are broke, you do a lot things to earn some keeps. some people work as a researcher, some coach something, some work at mcdonalds or hotels, some are party liaisons. me? i did some coaching and researching but what i also do, is becoming the messenger of a person’s thoughts. i write love poems. it was a good business i believe. those desperate romeos would give me 2-3 packs of cigarettes to ask me to do one. i do not know why or how it all started. It was that one time when a friend ask me to write one for him as he is stuck. he said, i seem to have a way of writing, maybe i should do one for him. he’d give me a pack of malboros. i did one, the girl liked it, i got a pack. next thing i know, i’m getting a pack almost every day. if i do not know the person, i get 2-3 packs.
are these men lying to their better half by having someone else write these love letters or poems for them? no. i just write according to what these men / boys wants me to mention within it. as the job sounded easy and i’m happy seeing them happy getting the love of their life, i oblige. it’s just like someone buying a card from Memory Lane. they pick a card that they feel best represents them. yea…… a dude got busted once. he blurted out to his gf. worse thing is, i know the girl as well. got a rollicking. but we reasoned out with her okay. like i said, if the guy is willing to go to that length to make her happy and try to win her heart, what more can she ask?
why did i stop doing it? a guy came to me one day, asked me to write one for this one girl. at that time, i was into this one girl. the guy told me to write anything that i feel like writing. he gave me a vague description of how the girl looks like. i write the poem-cum-letter in exactly the same words that i would have written to this girl i liked or what i would say to her. 2 days later, she told me of this guy who gave her the sweetest letter ever. he asked her out and she agreed. i poked her to let me see it.
to say that i was crushed would be an understatement. it was the one i wrote. my words used by another person to get a girl i was interested in. all i got in return was 2 packs of malrboro and their wedding invitation a year later. i have stopped writing one ever since.
it’s now 2.30 a.m. still not sleepy. going to make myself a hot chocolate and later wait for the “old newspaper” van in the morning.
sometimes, your dreams can be quite scary. especially if the same dreams you had repeats itself. yes, if you noticed the plural word, i had 2 dreams that recurred. your dreams can be a lot more scary if it seem to be so real.
dream 1 : i was walking in a park (looks like the taiping lake gardens) with a 5 year old girl (i think). i was holding her hand and we passed by some families who where obviously having a good time. you know; mom +dad+children…. She was looking at them and i could noticed that she was looking very gloomy. she then asked me; “Daddy, kenapa Adriana takde mak macam orang lain?”
i woke up right after. i felt sad.
dream 2 : same situation, walk in the park..etc.. etc… but this time i was walking with a 5 year old boy and he asked me; “Daddy, kenapa Adrian takde mak macam orang lain? ”
i woke up right after. i felt sad.
you see, these dreams happened 2 months ago. for them to repeat itself last night posed a lot of questions to myself. is it:
(a) my wife will die when giving birth? is my wife going to die when giving birth to the 2nd child?
(b) did i adopt the child and raised the child by myself? which means i will not get married? ever?
(c) will i have 2 kids named Adrian and Adriana?
(d) is this a sign for me to find a girlfriend?
it’s scary because the last time i dreamt something more than once, it really happened. for example, there’s this one time where i dreamt i saw my then gf getting too cozy with another guy, she did not reply to any of my sms and calls when i just like to confirm her whereabouts (people sometimes looks the same right?) and when they passed by me, she acted as if nothing happened. we then broke up. the dream came to me 2-3 times. the exact same dream. and yes, something similar happened and we broke up.
hoping this one is a red herring.
i’m just an ‘angry young man’ now days, as dear mum would put it. i’m angry at a whole lot of things.
1. i’m angry at my self for not being able to be more obedient to orders and not to question things too much. i put myself in the line of fire a lot. but i guess, it’s just my nature.
2. i’m angry at the people around me for not being able to keep up to my pace of working. i do not want to push them too much till they push me back violently.
3. i’m angry at the people who baulked and question my intentions when i say that “with me, you can talk about anything. i will not be offended at all. in fact, i prefer for you to be direct. there’s no need to camouflage your words.” look, i just do. tell me straight to my face. if you do not like something i do or said, say it to my face and say it straight. i like it that way. that is how i was raised, do not bullshit but go straight to the point. i have always tell my students for example that within the four walls of the class, with me, they can talk about anything irrelevant of whether or not their statements could actually be racist, sexist or blasphemous.
4. i’m angry at people who tries to over-complicate things and not keeping it simple.
5. i’m angry at a system that doesn’t allow me to be more effective.
6. i’m angry with myself for not being smarter. i should have stayed awake in school / uni more.
7. i’m angry with the society and the political scene in Malaysia where people tend to draw lines between them on primarily racial and religious grounds and not ideas.
8. i’m angry at the fact that Malaysians bicker too much amongst themselves on race based issues and not focusing on how do we become better than Singapore at the very least or even Indonesia (yes! they are better) who’s going to join the BRIC group. economic policies need to improve drastically. the NEM is superficial.
9. i’m angry that i’m not good with women. my friends are all almost on their way. i’m angry that it doesn’t matter how hard i try, i will never understand them.
10. i’m angry that i’m angry.
11. i’m angry that Man Utd didn’t win the Premiership. Fergie needs to throw out the deadwoods.
12. i’m angry that there is still a lot of Malaysians living below the poverty line, and that the gap between has and has-not is widening.
13. i’m angry that Muslims around the world are becoming too orthodox, not progressing, too engulfed with power and wealth, are not thinking using their god-given brains and etc. islam is not suppose to be dynamic.
14. i’m angry that i’m not earning enough. i need at least 30k before i can even have the slightest contemplation of having my own family.
15. i’m angry at my workload. being a one-man-army is tough.
16. i’m angry at my self for being too nerdy.
17. i’m angry at myself for growing up. it would have been easier to tell people to ‘fuck off’ before. now i have to be diplomatic.
18. i’m angry that Interpol (the band, not the police) has yet to come to Malaysia to perform.
19. i’m angry at myself for not being there for my grandma when her house was robbed.
20. i’m angry that able, young men choose to commit robbery rather than finding proper work as means of living.
21. i’m angry at myself for some other things unfit to be written here.
22. i’m angry that Malaysia is not pursuing Nuclear energy earlier.
23. i’m angry that our sports development in schools has taken a back seat. Education is undeniably important but the paper chase is killing the childhood development of those school-going kids.
24. i’m angry that i’m a nicer person now. people tend to take me for granted and tried to walk all over me. i need to re-discover a little bit of that attitude, cunningness and the drive that earned me the name ‘The Bastard’ in school / uni.
25. i’m angry that i am forced to conform and not allowed to be myself. i thought God made everyone unique.
26. i’m angry that the government is still protecting proton even if the protons they are selling in Malaysia is a lot more costlier than the ones they sell overseas and of lower quality.
sofa merah itu empuk untuk ku duduk,
melayan ego yang tidak kebuntuan,
satu ulasan telah ku bentuk,
bahawa sofa biru di sini telah pun sampai tujuan.
sofa merah itu mungkin dibeli,
tetapi tidak dipakai sehari-hari,
hanya menghias rumah agam itu.
tidakkah kejam jika itu berlaku?
alasnya tidak lembut tetapi menarik,
tompok – tompok kecil menyerikan lagi hiasan,
memang sudah mataku tertarik,
untuk cuba mengambilnya tanpa kesan.
sofa merah itu masih disebalik kaca,
menunggu sahaja.
The problem affecting Greece just seem to be the icing on the cake. Germany was right in insisting on austerity measures and controls to be implemented before the aid was given to Greece. The interactive image below tells us a lot of things i.e. on how shitty the economic state of the ‘major’ countries in europe are and the source can be seen here. Germany, France and Britain has a case then in whipping the rest into shape.
The Web Of Debt
besides karipap sardin, the other love of my life is chocolates. yeap, without a chocolate a day life would feel incomplete. anything that has chocolate will leave me drooling. i guess, it all started when i was a kid. I had asthma and other sickness that requires me to take a whole lot of drugs and stay off a whole lot of food.
i was very small and frail. what the doctor told my mum next changed things. he said, give me lots of chocolates to beef me up. and that’s it. the rest they say is history. my mum started to beef up her only son with a healthy dose of incan- attributed medication; chocs. besides swimming, i’d have to say chocolates is the reason why i got over my asthma and am relatively sick-free most of the time.
My top 3 favourite chocs are:
1. Snickers – they were right. I could eat just Snickers and will feel full for the rest of the day. Especially now since i don’t have the time for lunch, a bar of Snickers is all i need.
2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – what can i say? an all-time favourite. I will beg my sisters to buy it everytime they come back to Malaysia. I seriously hope that they would make it more available in Malaysia.
3. Lindt Lindor Noir – fantastic dark chocs. better than the one produced by Hershey’s or Cadbury. as far as Dark Chocs are concerned, they win hands down. The one choc i would always buy in volumes when i’m overseas and the other choc besides Reese’s that i will pester someone who goes abroad to buy for me. Lindt’s finest product without doubt.
Mother’s Day – i thank my mum for all her sacrifices. She could’ve been a Federal Court / Court of Appeal judge by now if she did not quit the judicial service to take care of me when i was a kid. For that, I am always indebted to you Pn. Darmawatti Dahari.
a friend who works for the National Archives called me excitedly just now. He went like; “dude, your mum was right. I came across some materials on your grandfather here. called you straightaway to let you know. now i know where you get your rebellious streak from.”
Dahari Ali. that was his name. a lot of people now might not know him. But he was right up there with Tunku Abdul Rahman before. I look up to him a lot. His friends were; A. Samad Ismail, Usman Awang (Tongkat Warrant), Lee Siew Lee, Keris Mas, Ahmad Boestamam, Datuk Aziz Ishak, Dr. Burhanuddin Helmy, Dato’ Kampo Rajo, Dr. MK Rajakumar, A. Samad Said to name a few. Names that are now confined to history books and the dusty collection at the National Archives.
Who was he, this person i look up to? 
1. together with Ahmad Boestamam, he published Suara Rakyat – a malay paper with leftist leanings during the British Military Administration (BMA) period. It put him in a lot of trouble. No, he wasn’t a communist but a socialist. there’s a huge difference.
2. assistant group editor of The New Straits Times. He was A. Samad Ismail’s right hand man.
3. a very staunch Andersonian. he was very proud that he was educated in Anderson School, Ipoh.
4. The 1st Member of Parliament for Kuala Selangor during the first ever general elections in Malaysia. An UMNO and Parti Perikatan MP. He left UMNO with Datuk Aziz Ishak, who was a Minister in Tunku Abdul Rahman’s administration as they felt that several policies were disenfranchising the poor people and favouring the elites especially the Malay elites only to rejoin UMNO when Tun Abdul Razak took over.
5. formerly a member of Parti Kebangsaan Melayu Malaya (PKMM). He was also a staunch supporter of Ahmad Boestamam.
6. formerly a Leftenan (if im not wrong) in charge of Intelligence / Propaganda of the Republicans under Suharto during The Indonesian National Revolution or Indonesian War of Independence which was an armed conflict and diplomatic struggle between Indonesia and the Dutch Empire, and an internal social revolution. It took place between Indonesia’s declaration of independence in 1945 and the Netherlands’ recognition of Indonesia’s independence in 1949. He was put on the British Government’s wanted list because of this. He went to Indonesia with boat loads of young Malays to help their Indonesian kin fight for their independence from their white colonial masters. His kampung is in Bukit Tinggi, Indonesia. My grandma still remembers the days that he went away, fearing for his life, not knowing what happens to him, and the British police officers who harassed her on his whereabouts before, during and after the war. I guess being involved in the war is also why he regards both Malaysia and Indonesia as his country.
The books he left behind raised me on a healthy diet on the writings of Machiavelli, Hobbes, Sun Tzu, Payne, Robespierre, Marx, Engels, de Tocqueville, de Saint-Simon, Fourier to name a few during my childhood days. I guess, i got to know him through those books.
He was a patriot, a soldier, a reporter, an MP, a socialist, a nationalist, an idealist, a father, a husband, my grandfather. there are more things that i can talk about him but superlatives would dishonor him as he once stated to my mom; “whatever i do, it is not for me. it is for my family, my people and my country.”
your birthday is coming up Tok Ayah. you have done well for your people, your country, your family. i’m rather unfortunate not to have you now, to learn from you, and to have you guide me.
he loves his karipap sardin 